THIS IS A LIGHT HEARTED VIEW OF FISHING. IT IS NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY


BASS

Probably the most sought after fish in the sea. Bass are large (yeah! if your lucky) silver (always) and very greedy. Young Bass are known as School Bass, this is until they pass all their exams and become qualified. They are quite secretive as to their exact location; therefore the best places to look for them is often a secret.

 

COD

Are from the North. You may recognise them by their foreign accent and the strange way they look at you. The best time to catch them is when you are about to give up, because except for your eyeballs, all of your body is absolutely frozen, you have lost all feeling in your toes, hands and feet, and you’re peeing ice cubes.

 

CONGER

Conger Eels are the most stupid fish in the water, they look silly and they act silly. The fish can grow up to 5ft in length, they have extremely strong jaws, but they only comes out when it`s  dark, it spends most of its life hiding, FROM WHAT?
To find Conger just look for really dark places preferably underwater.

 

DOGFISH

There are different kinds of Dogfish. The lesser spotted Dogfish the Spurdog the Greater Spotted Dogfish or in other words the Bull-Huss. Why are they called dogs?  This a mystery to me they look more like Sharks. The only similarity to dogs is that they have tails, wet noses and a tendency to wrap themselves seductively around your legs.

 

FLOUNDER

Flounders are flat.  If they aren’t flat then they are too young to catch, otherwise they aren’t flounders. They tend to stay close to the sea bed, they are very soft and white underneath, so they are really ticklish. For a suitable venue for fishing flounders, look for somewhere where the sea is held up by mud.

 

PLAICE

Plaice are very much like flounders, but extremely more attractive and not quite so ticklish. The more attractive Plaice has a discerning pallet and they consider Mussels to be quite a delicacy, consequently they tend to chill out around Mussel beds.

 

POUTING
Described as the smelly paupers of the UK waters. In fact the name could come from the facial expression of one, who has just realised he has just eaten a gobfull of black smelly worms. To eat this fish one must have an ample supply of curry sauce, a very bad nasal cold, or at the least 18 pints of Guinness.

SOLE

Sole is similar to the Bass, as being a very sought after prize in sea fishing. The first thing the skipper of a sinking ship will do is shout for someone aboard to

“SAVE OUR SOLES”